“My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.”
Are there times you’ve felt alone?
I have. I love being around people. Lots of funny, carefree and drama free people. However even though socialization with society is something I very much desire, it’s not something I have always been privileged to.
For much of my life I have felt all alone. I can remember a time; right after my second child was born … loneliness consumed me.
The god of this world had shown me through my life circumstances, my personality and my choices that I would never be good enough. He had convinced me that my husband and my girls would have a better life if I wasn’t a part of it. My oldest daughter was 2 and I felt like I had already made so many mistakes. I wanted something; no I wanted someone better for her. She deserved better … they all did.
Thank the Lord I had an awesome support system … the girls!! (You know who you are)
These women saw me at my lowest, you know … the I have completely dropped my basket, snot pouring down my face, crying so hard my words aren’t making sense, literally dangling from the last little piece of twine left on my rope … the time when Crazy (as we like to call this side of our personalities) has made her grand entrance, and there is no fixing Crazy! She is there. But thankfully, they prayed me back into reality.
These girls, my shell, my place of refuge, my Jesus with skin on, sheltered me from myself, and the lies Satan was telling me. They also surrounded me with the love of my Heavenly Father when I couldn’t feel Him. He showed me through them that He had never left my side … not for one second of my life had I ever been out of His reach or without His love.
Over the past couple of years, God had continued to use these girls to show me who He is, and how faithful He is to keep His promises. We have been privilege to a front row seat of witnessing the miracles God has performed in each other’s lives, but we have also had a front row seat to the pain, the heartaches, the grief, and the uncertainty. We have seen many wonderful things; things we know without a doubt it was all God.
But during those difficult times, His hand was not always visible. We wanted to believe He was there, protecting and shielding us … but when I got the phone call that one of my dearest friend’s husband’s was in emergency surgery that only had a 10% survival rate … you see another dear friend grieving over the unexpected loss of her brother … yet another whose just found out her mother had committed suicide … one who has a large, possibly cancerous mass in her jaw … another who spends weeks in unbearable pain and 8 days in ICU and still they aren’t sure what caused the pain or the double vision that may be permanent … and one who watches all of us with our babies, and yet for some reason couldn’t have one of her own … we were all straining to see Him, praying we’d catch a glimpse.
Friend I’m here to tell you … during each and every one of those dark days … some of the darkest I’ve seen He was there, hurting right alongside us. God was there!
And guess what He’s there for you too!
God is THERE!
There is defined as: in or at that place
God was definitely in and at those places.
He was with my friend in the waiting room. He was with her when the doctors came out and said … “He made it.”
He was with my friend as she wept bitterly in her closet questioning “What do you wear to your baby brother’s funeral?”
He was with my friend as she answered a call made from her mom’s cell only to find her aunt on the other end explaining why she’d never hear her mother’s voice again.
He was with my friend as she desperately wanted relief from the pain that was overtaking her body; the excruciating pain that morphine wouldn’t touch.
And He was with my friend as she struggled with the thought of never hearing anyone call her “Mommy”. He was with her through all the tests. He was with her through the IVF process. He was with her when she lost those precious little babies. He was also with her when He place one precious little girl in her womb. When no one else knew her … He was there.
He’s been there for all of us in just the same way. When we were a nobody, He was with us, loving us, protecting us, making a way for us. He knows when our last day on this earth will be, every trial we will face, every miracle we’ll witness, every thought, action and word …
How … because He’s always been right there …
Why … because you matter to Him … YOU Matter To HIM!!
Father thank You so much that You’ve always been. There has never been a time where You weren’t there. You didn’t need to be formed or created. You just were and You still are. Everything that we could ever need, we can find in You. What joy fills my soul that no matter what we endure, You are there, going before us, making a way where there isn’t one. You are far more than we will ever deserve. And if we will just trust You, You hand will become evident, because it’s never left us. For it’s in Jesus name I pray … amen!
Categories: ABC of who He is!
Tags: cancer, consumed by darkness, crazy, depression, difficult circumstances, faith, God, God is there, Holy Spirit, hope, infertility, Jesus Christ, loneliness, praise, protection, Psalm, support system, thankfulness, unbearable pain, uncertainities, unconditional love, unknown, you matter to God